The first time we met you is unfortunately a blur. One of the reasons I am writing this blog is so I can remember little moments that I might otherwise forget.
I am hoping when writing this little memories come flooding back, but here is it. What I remember about meeting my gorgeous boy for the first time…
In late 2015 we had found out about you (thats another story), after meeting the social workers and going through your information we were able to meet your foster carers to find out more about you before we finally got to see you.
I was so nervous because they loved you so much and somehow I felt like we were never going to be good enough for you. As we drove up to the house I felt so sick. What if they didn’t like us, would they put a stop to it all? What should we ask. I felt like any question would sound stupid but I wanted to know it all.
I was secretly hoping that we would bump into you if we got there early enough and parked outside. I was hoping you would come out of the front door in your buggy and who ever was babysitting wouldn’t know who we were, so I could just watch and catch a glimpse of you.
We waited in the car, as we arrived a little early, and that wait felt so long! My stomach was in knots, its was a cold day but I was flustered and hot.
We walked up to the house and met our social worker outside. I know I must have looked like a rabbit in headlights. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and sometimes have a habit of just looking so overwhelmed.
We were welcomed into the house, I cant remember if your social worker welcomed us in or your foster Mum. We went into the living room where your Daddy and I sat on one sofa opposite your foster parents, your social worker and our social worker perched in the window. There I am a nervous wreck and there are so many people here!
I then find out you are upstairs! I’m in the same house as my son and I can’t see or hear you. I wanted to just run upstairs and grab you, hug you, look at your little face and hold you. The emotions were that of frustration, impatience and just hope, hope that everyone would just say “oh go on then, just a quick peek we wont tell anyone”. But that didn’t happen. However, any worries about meeting your foster parents quickly vanished. They were so lovely, although they were very guarded to start with, they soon warmed up and were just gushing about how lovely you were. You could really tell they loved him so so much.
We found out all about your start in life, what you liked, what you didn’t like. We were asked questions about our home life, friends, family. What your bedroom is like. The pets we had. How we met, how long we have been together. What football team we support!
The meeting went so quickly, there wasn’t an awkward pause, I could have sat there for hours hearing all about you. We were so lucky that your foster Dad showed us some more pictures of you on his phone. He just adored you.
Just before we left, your foster Mum gave us a letter. She had written out your routine and told us what washing powder she used as well as some other little pieces of information.
It was a really positive meeting and I just felt so happy that finally, FINALLY, I would be a Mummy and by the sounds of it my son was amazing!
As we left we spoke to our social worker on the way out. We finalised some dates to meet up and discuss how the meeting had gone. The next time I set foot in that house would be to see you! To meet my baby boy…